What do you ask for in life? Do "sessive life" through self-dialogues and re-see the most real self in your heart

I took care of a grandfather in Anning ward. Once he told me, "I am over 70 years old. I came to Taiwan alone that year. Now there are more than twenty people in the entire family. Although my sons are not successful, they are all law-abiding. Now my life is at the end and I am about to leave. I feel very steadfast in my heart."

Grandpa made a summary of his life through this self-talk.

{99} The heart is full of self-explanation, full of self-comfort, and grandpa truly presents himself: Even if my children and grandchildren have not had a great success in their careers, it is a safe daily life for a commoner in the market.

I believe he also hoped that Sun would become a famous person and bring glory to his ancestors, but in his expectations and reality, he would reposition his life. What he didn't tell us was how much he spent on the process of "adjusting himself" and how he sorted out his experience and then re-experienced the next computer for this passage?

Grandpa did not say, "I have a successful life!" Instead, he said, "When life comes to this stage, you can feel at ease, be worthy of the sky and be worthy of the earth!"

Many people do not have a climax in their lives. They do their duty in small things every day and live a fair life. What are you asking for in this life? How many people ask for is actually just a sense of peace and regret.

The young grandfather should have many ideals, but when he reorganized himself in the last stage of his life, looking back at the road, he no longer emphasized "the ideals that have not been achieved", but "what has been achieved at this time."

Find a foothold in life and let yourself stay in

Many people will say that they have "no ambitions in life", or that they have no success in their careers, and may just be a junior. Maybe we never thought that an ordinary little person could make ourselves safe and comfortable in life.

However, even a small person has a small person's philosophy. How to find survival skills in the complex world and leisurely travel in your own small world without feeling small is our subject.

When we find a foothold in life, we have a state of peace and freedom, so being a young employee can also develop our own strengths and embrace personal values and meanings.

However, behind "safety and freedom", some courage may be needed, and the courage to face doubtful voices, learn to see the difference between self-needs and others' expectations, and see the difference in standing. Those who add too much expectations often come from parents, teachers, classmates, etc. In the process of "finding ourselves", it is difficult to avoid a thrust.

Finally, there will always be a voice deep inside, observing or clearly reminding yourself of the role you want to play.

Only then did I realize that not everyone wants to be the protagonist under the lights and the player on the competition, and be attracted by attention and applause. Sometimes when we are a supporting role, it seems that we can better highlight our own characteristics. When we use this kind of self-talk and sorting, we can find our own value and settle in that position, which is "local".

In life, each person may have thought about "what I will do in the future" when he is young. As he grows older, he finds that he cannot meet, so he has to discount his expectations, and then settle with himself. What did we lose every time we agreed to? When facing life, what situation can we say "this life is enough"?

I especially cherish the seemingly ordinary little things in life, and the encounters that happen to me all give me an opportunity to reflect.

Everyone has his own life experience, and every stage of change is slowly transformed from a small part, allowing us to adjust our perspective on things and get a way out in the process.

Celebrities with outstanding performance in various fields are inevitably told about the profound process of self-cultivation when they are interviewed. When others hear it, they often say, "How can I bear it when it is my turn?" Those unknown hardships, one by one, and one bit of accumulated nourishment, make their daily life shine and shine with moving light.

The warriors fighting on the front line are in full swing, which is exciting; the soldiers who are supplemented with logistics follow the steps to make people safe.

There is no such thing as natural since then. Your life is peaceful, and you need to work hard to lay the foundation. Those who can control the dazzling light in an instant like a fire. In addition to their own conditions, they must also continue to work hard to show their dazzling extraordinaryness in the ordinary.

Just like the grandpa mentioned above, he is a true brave man in his self-reflection in life. Many of these short stories are hidden in daily life, just waiting for us to discover them again.

Find yourself, unlimited

"Find yourself" is a continuous transformation state. "You last month" is different from "You this month". The ancients said, "If you don't do anything, you won't be smart." As the days go by and events go, we are quietly changing every day.

We will learn to adapt and adjust ourselves in the endless stream of things. This is why we can find ourselves in past experiences and organize ourselves from past experiences..

"He is just like his father!", "This kind of dress is popular now!", "Students are playing this!", "I'll pull you into the group!", "We're constantly affected by people and things around us. From daily outfits, views on events, and then to the destruction and establishment of value beliefs, the people around us have always played an important influence. They may be our family, friends, colleagues, or idols and celebrities we admire, or companions we learn together.

Our understanding of ourselves not only exists in the personal world, but also needs to be compared from the contact group. Therefore, the process of "finding ourselves" needs to be compared with the "reference group".

In our own group, we hope to have some minor corrections through observation, so "the you today" is a little different from "the you yesterday", but for others, they may think you are you, and it has not changed for twenty years.

"Reference Group" also brings a sense of identity, which makes us feel that we are part of an individual or environment. We all know that family, friends, classmates, teams, companies, etc. can find our own positioning in it. It is like when we ask "Who am I?" many answers are developed from this, precisely because we find the sense of being in relationship interaction.

However, has this sense of sensation been bothering us? My heart began to wonder if this group is really suitable for me? Can I recognize what they did?

Stay or leave, see myself again

I remember that I participated in the social group when I was in college, and I was very involved at the beginning. Everyone often "forgets to eat when they are gone", and some even stay up late to plan activities for this class, which has long been common.

We have jointly established revolutionary emotions, and I have developed a sense of detachment towards the society from it. This feeling is fascinating, especially for students who have just left their homes and lived independently. The society has become an important group to replace family emotions.

"Is social activities more important than the department's course?" Even if I like it, I can't help but feel a little confused about such a warm atmosphere. I once asked my partner if he had the same questions. At that time, everyone's answer seemed to be consistent: "Social activities are important! After this time, I went to the training course!" After a few times, I gradually asked for leave and appeared occasionally, and finally faded out of the social activities.

We might as well think about whether we have similar experiences. In a group, what causes ourselves to invest? What's the reason? Finally choose to leave? Between staying and leaving, there must be a thorn in your heart, so how do you deal with the pulling in the process? However, regardless of what the decision was at that time, we took us to see ourselves again.

Leaving a member of the group, or withdrawing from a relationship, will cause certain conflicts. So, what do I care about?

I remember that when I left the group at that time, facing some of my partners' inconscience, I thought I had bowed everyone, and I was even disappointed by not agreeing with my decision. However, what was most frustrating at that time was not the negative sounds, but the loss of loss from then on.

Many years later, when the big guys got together again and laughed at the wind and rain of that year, everyone talked about me at that time, and saw my unknown stubbornness, unlike the usual way to talk about smiling and hop. That incident made me realize that the so-called revolutionary emotions were about the time we shared with each other, so I knew how to cherish my friends who worked with me.

This is also my return to that time, through self-talk and tidying up in stages. Stay or leave and take me to see myself; get together and look back again, allowing me to find myself.

※This article is excerpted from Bosizhiku's "Being with Yourself: Retrieving the Stable Power of No Tightness"